Valentine's Day.

As I am sure you are all aware, some of us will be celebrating and the rest of us loathing Valentine’s Day this Friday. A day that cruelly sets to divide the adored ones from the not adored ones amongst us through the exchange of gifts and ‘I love you this much’ surprises. Everywhere will be swarmed with valentines reminders, including the TV where the channels will be chocker with those rubbish cliché rom coms that no one really wants to watch, especially if you are spending the day alone. With a rise in singles, it’s no surprise that this day is dreaded more than ever before. However, as much as you may pass the blame to that happy little couple sitting in the corner of that cute pizzeria whilst you and your single friends sit and glug a couple of bottles of wine and declare that you are a strong independent woman that don’t need no man (this is a well-known universal excuse for being single) I would like to tell you that couples hate this day just as much as you. Yes, that’s right; Valentine’s Day is a massive pile of shit for us too!

Unless you choose to ignore it like myself, it just a day whereby you are expected  to go out of your way to prove how much you love your other half. My question is, why? Why do we have to go out and spend half an hour picking a card that says exactly how we feel without the receiver feeling sick? The day will soon be over and that card you worried oh so much about will be in the bin along with that empty box of Thornton’s chocolates that were standard for the price you paid. Those chocolates are also the reason you feel like Michelle McManus in that saucy red underwear you will only wear once as it is impractical frills show up under anything you wear. Come to think of it, why have we bought any of this at all and who made it a rule that unless we spend a ridiculous amount on crap adorned with little red love hearts we are a heartless pig? No one since the land before time has ever wanted a stuffed teddy bear holding a heart saying ‘I love you’.

Then there is the meal where we have to spend a day’s wage on sitting in a rammed restaurant to observe all the other couples who are better and happier and more well off than us. When we’re not shifting uncomfortably in our seats, you might notice that most of our time is spent stifling yawns, moaning about not knowing what to have to eat and trying to talk about anything other than our standard day at work. One of us is wondering when babysitters got so expensive, and the other one is probably working out how much money this is going to cost as obviously, Valentine’s Day means a posh expensive restaurant. I suppose we could stay in and get an M&S £10 meal for two, after all nothing says “I love you” like a microwave meal, but by the time we get to the shop all the other cheap skate romantics have had the same idea and you are left with the vegetarian option.

The 14^th of February will also spark an atrocious amount of singletons spouting the “Forever alone” rubbish all over your Facebook and expect confirmation that they do not look like Voldemort but just simply haven’t found ‘the one’. Along with sickening couples declaring they had the “BEST VALENTINES EVER WITH MY BABYBOY, BEST 5 MONTHS OF MY LIFE” and a few couple photos that have no place here and you really have a recipe to grind everyone’s gears. We hate this just as much as you so pack it in and get a grip. Nobody likes a self-loather and nobody likes a show off.

At the end of the day, it’s a superfluous occasion all about putting on a show to prove yourself to others, but let’s be honest, it’s is none of their business.  Dinner, gifts and nice gestures should be consistent throughout the year and if they aren’t then you need to re-evaluate your relationship. Whether you are alone or not, we are united by our general hate for this commercialised abomination of a universal celebration and the fact is, Valentine’s Day is a cold, merciless and cynical invention, utterly bereft of the spontaneity and emotion that love is all about.